Waste

Now you tell me that being a girl has its privileges such as whoring your body out to earn what 100 to 300 per hour? Earning over $1000 a day? Having such money will allow you to escape all this stress? Really? When you don't like people calling you a whore and all during your secondary school life and yet you are whoring yourself out now? So all this while i have been chasing a fucking whore who is not worth my time at all? Is that what you are trying to prove to me? That i have wasted all of my efforts? Well so be it, i have no more energy to put up with your nonsense anymore, i swear... This is the tip of the iceberg already, you've reached it... All this months of hard work to make you a better person and all, you leaving your ex boyfriend and all because you believe you are better off without him... you know what. Just take it as i threw my time and efforts into the sea okay? I give up already... really. To think you are that cheap of a woman, have you ever thought how those prostitutes see themselves in the mirror? Have you ever thought what pushed them to become a prostitute in the first place? And yet you are just choosing to go become one just because the going gets tough? Just to earn more and stress lesser? What are you even going to do with the money anyway, the other whores use them to fund for their family problems but you? Use on materialistic things to fulfill your needs? Then the way i see it you are no different from your mum whom you have detested your whole life. Guess what you look exactly right her now. When you degrade yourself with such words, it might not mean anything to you, but to those that truly care and watch you come so far, those words are life a dagger into their heart.... You are indeed cruel... You say you have no loved ones, no family, however what if your cousins see you like that... at that point in time you will wish all this didn't start at all. I can guarantee you that at that point in time its all too late.

I wished all this didn't start now... I used to think otherwise... But you changed that thought of mine..

Drained

Have you ever been so tired, so very tired that you just want to let everything go and just shut yourself up all over? Well i am feeling kinda so right now. It doesn't just happens like that to people, they often grow tired after a long duration of crap being thrown at them. So tired that you just want to let all these baggage off and just shut the world up. Most people that i know grow tired the most when they are in a relationship, especially with someone whom can never give them the sense of ease and comfort that they need to feel secure. Then eventually either side will grow tired, and they will seek out their best buddies and ask for advice. Well, the question to ask yourself is, Are you tired? Tired enough to let go?. Many would tell you no but deep down they know, that eventually you will need to let go because the relationship wouldn't work out. This does not apply to all relationships as i believe that working it out and staying strong together will make things work. However if its not the destined one then no matter how much you want things to work out, it won't. She dashed my hopes again today, but still i choose to hold on. In the end when she apologized to me, i felt no emotions coming from the words. She is just merely apologizing to compromise me, make me feel like she is sorry and all for what she has done. But in truth, she isn't... Well a fool i am indeed for trying to hold on and believing that things can work out.... A fool indeed... I don't know, maybe i am just not tired enough, feels that i lost everything because of her... my friends, my world, my happiness is all based on her. A fool i am.... Never based your whole world on one person, sometimes that becomes the most painful thing to you if you want to find your world back.
Words that hold no meaning anymore....

Trust

It started out with a mood swing of hers, then it went downhill from there I guess. Its tormenting, to see the one you love be dazzled by her emotions and suffer because there is a constant battle in her heart. Makes you feel useless, because you can never help in that situation as it is a battle that she must face herself. Her turmoils and the emotions that she expresses on social media really gets to you sometimes, it makes you wonder and it makes you question yourself whether what you are doing is right or not. Having received many unseen blows from her to my heart, it starts to fonder and become weak itself. I may not be who i used to be in the past where i just loved her unconditionally, foolishly. In a sense, i have grown from whom i used to be and this growth of mine scares me as i am afraid that i am unable to love her the way i used to. Blows to the heart are indeed fatal, its a scar that can never be healed and it will always stay with you till you breath your last. It might be due to these blows, that i start to doubt her words and her actions, which i hate doing. I don't want to doubt my beloved but at times my heart just gives in and i will be thrown into suspicion of each and every little things she does. I guess this is something in which i need to put into control, as the very basic foundation in a solid relationship to me is mutual trust, without that trust in your partner, you can never proceed on with the next milestone in your relationship. I love her, and for that i shall curb this very problem of mine. After sorting things out with her about this, she told me that she too, faces a problem which is having a split personality. Another entity residing inside of her that is constantly in a battle with her true self. It is going to be a tough journey ahead of us, but i am glad that in the end, we are going through this journey side by side, hand in hand.

Love can overcome every obstacle, but make sure the one you love is the right one for you.

Drama and Facade

Getting to know the hard truth that she decided to be with her ex instead of me, kills my heart almost literally. The pain and sorrow yesterday night seems all but a painful twisted dream. Whatever for she still cares and she still loves me and all that. Words seems to be mere words to me right now, and whatever she says, seems just like words to compromise with me and make me feel better. Lies, excuses, things like i want to be with you its just.... all the fabricated lies to keep me waiting like a sucker for love. Guess this is the reason why relationships isn't my cup of tea, simple one night-stand and heading to club to dance with random girls seems so much simpler now. All my relationships seems to end with failure and cheats. It's just me i guess, it's just me who tries so hard but in the end gets nothing in return. Just treated like a plaything to her, well i guess there and all our relationship was just 4 months of plaything, nothing more. Well if that's that then so be it, time to move on with life instead. All the while when i was there for you, where were you for me? All those times when i was beside you at your worst, when your dog died, when you were rejected, when the going gets tough. Simply a substitute to your ex-boyfriend i guess. A simple substitute, well if that's that then so we shall leave it at that. You go saying all about how much i mean to you and bullshit tweets saying you know who reveal their true colors at your times of need. But even those who are there for you at your times of need gets stab right back by you through your actions, you then proceed to say otherwise that you didn't mean it that way. Practice what you preach, because the more i look at things now, the more i find your words to be nothing but mere empty shell, even the words that were once held dearly by me.

Relationships come and go, god made us feel hurt and pain when our relationship fails, so that when we truly find the one that loves you for who you are, we will treasure them with all of our heart.

Broken Promises and Heartbreaking Times

Have you ever seen people break promises that they made? Sure you have, well for me, i have seen countless ones being broken by the one i love. I tried to ignore them and just continue loving her, but I guess each person has their own tolerance level. She is meeting her ex today, at his house. The day before they were chatting happily and he popped the question to ask her to be his. She was stunned, and hesitated. For me, this is what i dislike the most, what happened to all the promises that she made to me? That she will forget about him, and that she decides to love me instead. Lies, everything but lies. Words are mere words unless shown with actions known otherwise. Where is the security that you can promise me that our relationship wouldn't just break off when some random guy comes up and propose to you? Well i guess its just a one way thing, she being stuck on to her first love crush. A stage where all teenagers have already moved on from but she hasn't. I do not blame her for i have known that this will be coming eventually. I guess its better off to have to go on separate ways earlier than later as the pain would not be dragged on. Life is full of unexpected change so never get comfortable with what you have as it could just disappear in mere seconds. All the efforts and time you put into something could be gone and all the fruits of your labor taken away by other people. That's how cruel life is and what you can learn from all this painful experience is just to move on and get over it. Pain will teach a person how to live on better. Lost is what makes people want to treasure things more. Betrayal, well that just teaches people how there is an ugly side to each and every human being in this world.

I wished i have never known you, and never have jumped into this circle of lies that you fabricated...

The very beginning of my own journal

Most of the bloggers i know of start of their blogs on a happy note, but i myself choose to be true to my current state of self and talk more on how i am feeling currently. It is indeed an interesting turn of events for me i guess, from brothers, to strangers in just a whimsical moment. The cause? A woman. Yes indeed, many might be shocked to hear bros breaking off just because of a woman. Well its a long story and to put it simply, we both love her and it escalated from there I guess.

The reason I choose to start a blog is because of the frequent social media judgmental  people I guess, Twitter, Instagram , Facebook , each post you make there would often be mocked by the people who view your status updates and such. Whilst not only exclusive to those kinds of people, people that care for you will also be affected by what you post there, hence I chose to write a blog instead as it feels relatively better on my soul when i get to vent out my thoughts on an empty wall.

Today is a Friday, and many people would be elated when they hear the word Friday, well not me i guess. It's been a tough start for me this morning, i grew cold and moody which resulted much on my actions and thoughts. I don't know if this is wrong but i guess many things in life cannot be explained by mere logic. Take love for instance, many people, even those that have been in love countless times can still fail in a new relationship. Why? I guess it's because there are things in this world that we could not fully comprehend and control. Similarly on that thought, i too have been unable to control my love for this woman and caused many bloodshed throughout this escapade. But blood must be shed sometimes to truly know a person inside and out. The brother that I thought i knew, turned out to be someone different. Well i guess this truly shows how much time you need to truly understand one person inside out huh.

When a person truly lost something, that's when they will truly value things more in life.